Dealing.

Okay, this blog is probably going to show a lot more raw than usual. Usually, I will type - rethink - reword - and refocus. Walk away and come back. But right now, I am sitting here at 10pm, on a friday night eating some freshly warmed frozen pizza and...not sure what I am feeling.

See, my last post was about death. Death of a celebrity. Someone I didn't know.

This time, well....I have witnessed the passing of three people who shaped me into the person I am - all within a month.

And dealing with it - coping - yeah, I am having a hard time at this point.

Ya see, I've always been the strong one. I do what is nessassary and cry later. That is the way I have always been. Keep it inside and deal. But, since Gran died...this trait has been deminsed rapidly. The way I deal is different. I still don't cry, really, when it comes to loss. But, I have a harder time holding back and distancing myself from feeling.

Austin once told me "we have to feel it, if you don't it'll smack you in the face later." Guess I never knew that til I dealt with loss, literally, in my face.

Three people, Arnold, Mr Hayes & Miss Hall. They had an impact on me. A big one. Two of them I have known my entire life and have been family friends for longer than that. And one, I have known for going on 15 years.

Miss Hall made the biggest impact, I guess. She babysat me for most of my childhood. I learned interaction, early devolpment and warmth from her. The woman was so warm, you couldn't help but feel the love when she was near. There are rare moments in your life when you meet someone who is what you can feel a 'pure soul'. She was one of those creatures. And, although she didn't know who I was for the last five years or so, I will always cherish her.

I'll be okay. I am, seriously, so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life.

Life is strange. The way memories anchor you to the past, yet you can move forward with a smile.

Those who have passed and those who are here. Everyone makes a difference.

My heart, although broken, will always love them all.