The peace within.

I’m surrounded by more death than I’d ever like to admit. As I said in a previous blog, while I cannot bring myself to face a funeral yet after losing my Gran, I have now been to four vistation/wakes since Jan 1st.

While at the funeral home in Sparta to pay respects to a distant (to me) family member last night, I found out from my Uncle that someone I considered a friend (however closer to my cousin Matt) committed suicide. It didn’t sink it. It didn’t register. My mind and heart started racing with confusion. More like "no, wait, I’m already AT a funeral home."

You know how you have your family, you have extended family and you have family you make for yourself? Autumn was a member of my "made for myself extended family". Joe, her boyfriend and Matt have been best friends for at least a decade. My mom was engaged to Joe’s Uncle and his grandma used to live with me. I consider his family a part of mine. Everyone interweaves.

While I’m sure I’ll never fully comphread why Autumn took the steps she did. I hate that she won’t be there to give a cousinly-hug to when I see her. And, although we didn’t always see eye-to-eye, she had my love. I just wish that she could have found the happiness she sought while here. And maybe, just maybe, she’s found peace.

Please, please, hug the people you love. Let them know how to feel. Make peace over the petty. Listen, even if you don’t want to. Notice the different. Smile. Free your mind. Pray, even for those who don’t believe. Suggest options. Never take anyone for grated.

Love. Love. Love.

I love you, Joe.