The little girl.

I hate it when I don't get myspace notifications in my email. It pisses me off.

Went to see Brokeback Mountain today. Wow, what an incredible film. Not just because it was about two, hot, gay cowboys - but just the story.

The overall concept that sometimes - no matter where life might take you - there is going to be one person that you will always love. And you will fight with it. You will deny it. You will everything in your power to stop it. But, deep down, it will always be there.

Heath Ledger DESERVES any award he gets for that film. Holy crap. I can totally relate to his character. Not that I have an attraction to a female, but the way he cuts himself off from feeling anything. It has really made me think. If I think someone is getting too close, I will push them away. I build walls. Big brick, sturdy walls. I do. I know I do. So, I went back and reread one of my favorite quotes from the movie "Great Expectations":

"Let's say there was a little girl, and from the time she could understand, she was taught to fear... let's say she was taught to fear daylight. She was taught that it was her enemy, that it would hurt her. And then one sunny day, you ask her to go outside and play and she won't. You can't be angry at her can you?" - Estella

Maybe the little girl inside me will learn to trust and knock some walls down to expose the daylight someday. Until then, though, she will be in the dark in my head - telling me that everyone who I let have too close will hurt me..

Ahh..on a lighter note - I have lost 11 pounds in a month! Good times.