Adventures in a funeral home.

So, I went to the funeral home tonight. My step-grandfather, Frank, his niece died. I didn't know her very well, and I was still in my work clothes - but I was being respectful.

Frank's family. They are different...I've always known this. It's not that they are bad or anything. Just...nascar & big hair.

Still - being respectful to this woman was all I wanted to do. I had met her a few times. She was nice. But, while I loooove cemeteries, I don't really like funeral homes all that much. I guess no one really does. Anyway, I am getting off topic......

Okay, so I am sitting there between my Granny and my Mom. My Granny is pointing out people to my Mom - and I am feeling awkward and out of place. Not really knowing anyone but maybe two people. My Granny tells me about the two kids who are running around the place - Ethan, who is 7. And his little sister, Heather - 4. They were trying to sell my Granny their baby sister - 6 months, before we came in.

So, my Granny calls them over and says "Now, how much do you want for the baby again?" Ethan says "One hundred dollars!" I said "I don't have a hundred dollars, but I have two dollars!" he smiles at me, a small dimple on his left cheek shows. I said "I like your dimple." pointing it out on his face. Heather screams out "HE'S NOT A NIPPLE!!!"

The funeral home chatter stopped. Everyone turned and stared at us. And, as inappropriate as it was, I just busted out laughing.

I couldn't help it.

After that calmed down, my Granny leans over me to my mom and says "...she was a...what's it called?" Me: "Lesbian?" "Yea, that's it." "It's okay, Granny, it is 2006, you can say 'gay'."

We eventually made it to the coffee room, where we find the baby (that Ethan was selling) sleeping and the mom saying "This is Cassandra. Before I had her I said 'I don't want no more kids.' Now I wouldn't trade her fer the world. I did tell the judge though "Timmy ain't taking my kids!" I mean I believe in the bible way - the child is suppose to be respectful. If he ain't - I believe in smackin' them upside the head. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but a child needs to learn manners."

Yes. I actually feel bad for saying that I left the funeral home more amused than I was before.

I am a horrible person.