Nice women finish last.

Steph: "Do you think you could ever hurt someone to get what you want?"
Me: "I don't know. I feel, in my head, that if I have to do something that I don't want done to me to get what I want - it won't be worth it."
Steph: See, you're too nice."

I have been thinking about this conversation a lot lately, due to some recent events.

I am always the girl who steps aside. I am always the girl who gives up for others to be happy. I am always the girl who somehow gets kicked because of other people's drama.

But, I am also a girl who when asked an opinion, will give it. Regardless of any feelings I may have.

I love my friend Beech. I do. But, she has a husband whom is not my favorite person...just because of the way he can treat her. She knows how I feel. I make no secret of it. But, when she comes to me for advice, I give it - unbiased.

I used to have feelings for my friend Tony. When he started dating Carol, I was hurt. But, I gave her my opinion on why I thought he was doing the things he was doing - unbiased. Regardless of how I felt.

I once had the opportunity to have one night with the one person in the entire world I have always wanted to be with. But, I turned him down. Not because of what I thought might happen to my head afterward - but because of the fact that I knew he had a girlfriend. I didn't know her. Knew she didn't like me anyway. And it would have been no loss for me. I realized that I would never want that to happen to me if I loved someone. If I trusted someone.

Today, I sat at McDonald's talking to Alicia. I said "Maybe I should be a bitch. Maybe I should be someone who sleeps with the guys who have girlfriends. Maybe I should try to knock girls out of the way. Being nice causes me nothing but confusion and issues. Maybe I should be evil."

She looked at me, straight in the eye.

Long silent stare.

Then she slowly said "If you ever do that, you won't be cheating only them. You'll be cheating you. Stay true to yourself."

Right there, on McDonald's playground, I felt like I someone took my shoulders & shook me.

To the people who are pissed at me for stating my opinion, thanks but I'm done doubting myself. I don't play games & I don't judge. I'm a real woman. And yes, unfortunately, I will probably always come in last.


But at least I'm me.