Discouragement..

I haven't been able to hold down a lot of substance since my adjustment tuesday. I am now at a 3.6cc saline intake in my band. My band goes up to 10ccs. Today, I have ate the following:

- Half a scrambled egg, two sasuage links.
- Chicken from the chicken noodle soup.
- A pinch of CW & Amy's wedding cake.
- A small tomato & a slice of cheese.
- Three bites of chinese food.

The chinese food...yeah, that would be my first food vomiting experience since surgery. I had to cancel tonight's plans with Alicia, because I don't want to be a downer who is spitting up all night.

I read a lot about Lap-band before having it done. At obesityhelp.com, they say that one of the thoughts after surgery is 'oh god! what have I done?' I never thought that, I was firm in my decision to get healthier for the sake of my future.

But right now, while having to sit down at my sink while vomiting because I am so weak? yeah, I had that thought.

What have I done?
Will I be like this forever?
Will I be 50 and still vomiting over three bites of food?
Is getting my body healthy enough to one day have a child really worth this?

Right now, I am unsure. 16 pounds in 7 weeks is terrific, yes. But, at this moment? I feel nothing but discouragement & regret.

I know I'm just having a bad week. I'm sure I'll get past it. It's just really hard to focus on the future at this point.