Mistakes.

"Maybe our mistakes make our fate, without them what would shape our lives? If we never veered off course, we would never fall in love or be who we are."-- Carrie - SATC

I've been thinking a lot about mistakes.

Everyone makes them.

The balls it takes to admit you made a mistake is extremely difficult. You're admitting that you're not perfect, that you were in the wrong.

No one wants to be wrong or proven wrong.

Recently, I used someone to get over my feelings for someone else. I felt bad. But I kept doing it. I couldn't bring myself to confront why I was doing something so unlike me - why was I running? Why was I hiding?

Until I woke up and realized he was doing the exact same thing to me. Using me to get over someone.

This isn't a country song. This is playing with hearts. And I didn't like it. It was just an act. A Shakespearean lulluby if you will.

And worse is the fact that, even now, I don't feel bad. I don't even know if I would feel bad if I knew his heart was in it. Does this make me horrible? That I used someone to get over someone that I never had?

Maybe.

But I confronted my mistake. I admitted it. To myself. To him.

Then I spoke about what the real problem was to the person where my issues actually lied. If I didn't fix what was torn, I would continue to cover it with more mistakes.

Temporary solutions for what could have been a permanent problem.

I don't want to be wrong. I don't want to make mistakes. I don't run from them. I know who I am.

Live and learn.

Although, I have been taught so much, you'd think I'd know how to write my own lesson plan.


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Ironically, while writing this blog in my journal during my break today. I was called into my boss' office. She says that she has noticed a lot of errors in my work. We discussed, I got a bit mad. I said "Everyone makes mistakes." She said "Yes, but you make the most."

That stung. Still does. She has no idea what kind of sore place in my brain she hit. And she never will.