Tick, tick.

So, I am feeling a little emotional tonight. You'll have to forgive me if I break down in tears. Okay, so no one will know if I do break down in tears, since I am sitting alone in my room. But, there will probably be tears.

I do not understand people.

Do people not realize that things you say...your reactions...yeah, they have an affect on others?

Okay, I am not making sense. Let me gather my thoughts and speak more clearly.

Today, I had a sex & the city moment in the gyno's office.

I have been rescheduled by my gyno for my yearly appointment twice in a month. Both times I was actually on my way to her office.

Rebecca said this morning "you better call and make sure that she really wants to see you this time."

So, I get there. Get weighed. Pee in the cup. The nurse comes in, dips the stick to make sure there is no pregnancy (to which I used Shannan's great reply of "is there a star in the north?") and gives me the two different paper clothes.

The blue thing, fits around you like a backward hospital gown; opens in the front. The white thing, you cover lap with.

There I sit, completely awkward, naked, wrapped in paper. The nurse comes back in, asking standard questions...when was your last period, blah blah blah ...and she said:

"How old are you?"
"28."
"No kids?"
"Nope."
"Wow, 28 and no kids, that surprises me."
I was taken aback. "Why is that?"
"Oh, I don't mean it has an insult! I just don't encounter it often. Do you want kids?"
"Someday."
"Ah. Well, I know that I had to have my kids as soon as possible. Tick tick, ya know..so what are you here for?"

Yeah, because no one actually goes to the gyno for their yearly appointments.

She tick tick'ed me.

I was tick tick'ed!

I have 12 years before my tick tocks, you stupid heifer!

Who does she think she is? Just because she could push them out so fast doesn't mean that we all have to start farting out babies at 19. Or 16. Or 22.

That nurse should have just stabbed me right there in the vagina.

I wanted to scream "it's not my fault that every guy I meet says 'I'm not ready for a relationship'. but we can have sex!" Fuck you men! Just fuck you. No wait, that is all you want so nevermind!

*deep breath*

My gyno came in. Very cute. Pushed on my boobs, then I was extremely exposed, my legs in stirrups, and my womanhood a mere three inches from her face; I felt really lonely.

Only thing wrong, I have a sore ovary. It happens. Probably because it's thinking 'fuck, I give up, she isn't getting anywhere.'

I came home, changed into my pjs and went to sleep.

tick...tick...echoing.

I have been emotional since. I teared up at "how I met your mother". Yeah, the fucking sitcom. Fucking Barney being a wingman again made me cry!

Julie, you know how we said that you are Carrie, I'm Miranda and Kristi is Charlotte (just a toned down version)?

Yea, I just don't have her sarcasm. I am slowly BECOMING her.

Sigh. I am going back to bed.

Miranda: "Your good friend Miranda has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You will probably need this information when you check me into the Betty Crocker Clinic."