The uncool nerd.

Feeling a bit down tonight. I'm sure this is due to the fact that I have had no contact with any humans besides my mom & occasionally Carol since last saturday. Email & IM doesn't count when you miss face to face.

While I feel better, a nasty cough has developed. Leaving me mostly sleepless and grumpy. Okay, so not realllly grumpy. Maybe the word I'm looking for is irritated. Blah.

I spoke with Jason Pappafotis briefly about a picture I am looking for. I decided to go through some old backup cds to see if I had snuck it somewhere it didn't belong. Most of these cds have just a bunch of old songs I'd download when either the title would strike me or a good moment in Dawson's Creek ("Feels like home"), Roswell ("Crash into me") or Buffy ("Full of grace") would make me just have to have the song.

And some, like Bush's "Cold Contagious", which make me feel like I'm 17 again. Seriously, Gavin Rossdale might as well just sing the entire soundtrack to my adolescent. And if he sung that, in front of me naked, well, that'd be just fine by me.

I guess I was having some "song remembers when" moments here while sitting under my warm pink blanket on a snowy march night.

Then, I laughed to myself reliving a story I told my mom last saturday after running into Sam Short at Crackel Barrell. For those of you who don't know, Sam & I have known each other since around 3rd grade. His mom was my 5th grade teacher, and solely responsible for pin-pointing my Dyscalculia. To her, I am forever grateful.

Now, let me take you back to the days when you were actually excited to have Oregon Trail time on the ol' MAC in class. It was the time during the first Gulf War, and I...was less than cool.

Of course, you could say now that I am less than cool. But, I was way less than cool then. I was a poor chubby nerd with glasses too big for her face. Who's only real claim-to-fame was that the cute boy on the bus touched my umbrella. I was shy and my mom let me dress myself. I'll just let you make up the rest in your mind.

I only had a few friends. Kim Cabany (Happy Birthday, my love) who had moved recently, Ben Reagh, David Merritts are a few that come to mind. But, no one really talks to the awkward fat chick in 5th grade.

So, end of the day when the first busses are being called over the intercom - Sam comes to our classroom...because, well, his mom is the teacher. His little brother (who's probably not so little anymore) walks over from the Elementary school.

Sam is a few feet away, sitting at the back table.

Sam is cool. Sam is by me. I need to do something cool.

I cannot remember what was said, I think Zach Bannister started the conversation by saying something smart...and I followed up. But, my follow-up didn't work. I...well, I thought I was funny. I laughed loudly and - snorted. Yeah. Snorted. I never snort when I laugh. But, for some reason I did then.

I looked at Sam, who, well, was looking at me like I was completely retarded. My smile suddenly faded and I realized that Zach was clearing his throat uncomfortably. It was awkward. And painful.

I remember thinking to myself "man, I'll never be cool."

And now, I run into Sam and meet his family and we embrace like old friends.

Because we are.

But...I'll never forget how uncool I was that day.