The resticted fat-girl.

"The fat girl inside of me really wants to go. I owe her this. I never let her eat." - Monica, "Friends".

Lap-band.

My best friend and my worst enemy.

I heard a lot of people say that weight-loss surgery was the 'easy way out'. They, obviously, never had it. Lap-band is actually harder than being able to tell Ashley Judd's movies apart.

(Even though I hate the word "fat" I am going to use it in the most relaxing term I can.)

My fat-girl misses food.

Plain & simple.

Even after a year. Your mind & body aren't in sync.

Just because something is healthy doesn't mean you can automatically eat it with lap-band. And even if you can, it's only a small portion.

That's basically all lap-band is: the extreme form of portion control. Instead of depending on yourself, your body is doing it for you.

A few of the things I cannot eat now are:
Bread.
Rice.
Noodles.
Orange Juice.
Crackers.
Cabbage.
Egg-rolls.
Thick potato fries.
Any Fruit.
Burritos.
Tomatoes.
Any drink that has carbonation.
Any greasy food.
Any dried out food.

I can have some of these in small quantities (tomatoes, if drained and sliced thin etc). But, for the most part - these are items that will make me sick. Especially bread. God, I never thought I'd miss biting into a hamburger so much in my life.

Just because your body says no...your mind still wants it. You're still a "fat-girl" at heart. She doesn't leave.

You measure.

You study.

You stand at the counter, looking up at the menu - thinking of what you can have that won't make you sick. You let people cut. The guy behind the register looks at you like your deformed. You apologize to the waitress, who thinks you don't like their food - when really you have over-ate and keep having to get up to vomit. You watch your friends eat and miss it. Miss the taste. You vomit out of your best friend's car door on the side of the road. You survive on nothing but egg-drop soup for a few days.

This post will probably make it look like I'm not happy with my band. But 90% of the time, I am. I am satisfied with the results, I am healthier. I can walk up stairs without thinking I will die. You can't beat a size 16. My blood pressure has calmed. And, although I feel weak a lot, feel better.

But, my fat-girl misses the old me sometimes. Although, I don't.