Leaders & followers.

Camp taught me how to lead. It was training for adulthood. You never realize how much you learn until you walk away from the place you spent your entire adolsence being a part of. I'm not at all the person I was 10 years ago. But, the recent bon-fire brought back memories of camp....and then I started thinking about leaders. The leaders we are. The leaders we follow. The leaders who don't even realize they are one.

Emotional leadership has always seemed to have fallen easily with me. Maybe it's because I'm so tall? Maybe it's confidence? Maybe it's my big ass?

I know, I could convince my Gran to do anything with enough talking. Especially eating. I could get the woman to eat ...with enough talk about what I was eating...ha..

Sometimes, I have no idea why people actually listen or read what I have to say. Ever being influentual has never felt comfortable to me.

My ex-boss used to say that I was one who sought too much verification. Which, I guess, is why I rarely ask for help now. Unless I know it's from someone who can tell me the truth without bullshitting me around.

I would rather look at the situation as a whole and put my own emotions aside. I do this often. Especially when I'm not involved in the problem. But, when it comes to someone yelling at me about a problem that is NOT mine - this is where my emotions get involved.

Maybe my emotional disconnection from situations helps with the leadership some. I would much rather be a part of a group of like-minded individuals than have to take over a situation in an uncontrolled enviroment before we all get arrested.

...the latter seems to happen a lot with me, oddly.

Wikipedia (ya know, the bible for us 'net geeks), describes a leader as:

* maintaining a questioning attitude
* bolstering confidence in one's own decision-making abilities
* seeking independent verification through appropriate measurement and reporting infrastructures

So does number 3 mean you are a tattle-tale? Because that isn't me.

But I do have a questioning attitude. I question everything in my head. A bit too much.

And this is not saying I'd be a good supervisior over a team of people at work. No, I think I'd suck at that. I'm not aggressive enough. But, I can take a team of people - work on a project and get that project done. I can do that.

When I am at a party, and I realize the room has stopped talking and is paying attention to what I am saying - I feel very exposed. It's an odd feeling.

Sometimes, I wish I was a background person. That'd probably be a lot less dramatic life.

50 mistakes.

50 mistakes women make regarding sex. (written by a woman, and I agree with her.)

1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.

2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.

3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.

4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.

5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.

6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.

7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.

8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.

9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.

10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.

11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.

12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.

13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.

14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.

15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.

16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".

17. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.

18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.

19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.

20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.

21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.

22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.

23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.

24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.

25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.

26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.

27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.

28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all fucking surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?

29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big fucking deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.

30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.

31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.

32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.

33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.

34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty fuck you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.

35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.

36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.

37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.

38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).

39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.

40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.

41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.

42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.

43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.

44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.

45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.

46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.

47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really fucking you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.

48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.

49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.

50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.

Make the most of it...

Make the most of it...
Current mood: thankful

You wonder if maybe God wanted us to meet the wrong person before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Choices you made before - right or wrong - help later in life to distinguish the difference between the two.

Maybe when the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

Maybe the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation youve ever had. Being on the same level with someone and just knowing.

Maybe it is true that we do not know what we have until its gone, but it is also true that we do not know what we have been missing until we actually have it.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Do not expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it does not, be content it grew in yours.

Karma takes play - what comes around goes around - never expect because the chances of you being let down are higher than those who are patient.

Do not go for looks; they can deceive.

Do not go for wealth; even that fades away and money isn't real - love is.

Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

Find the one that makes your heart smile.

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

Don't hesitate to make choices and take chances in life.

You'll always find the right path you need to take - even if you have to detour for a couple miles.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to keep you going.

Always put yourself in others shoes. If you feel that something hurts you, it probably hurts them too.

Treat people the way you want to be treated.

The happiest of people do not necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you cannot go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and the heartaches.

So many people come and go and it's what you take from those you know - for what its worth to you and always be willing to try somethin new.

Trials we go through only make us stronger - It's not the end of the your life - make something bad turn into something good.

Life as I know it is wonderful - many hate it and say it sucks - but it's life.

Make the most of it and make every moment worth being here....