Fight for the future.

We all have insecurities. I know that I have posted numerous blogs about mine. I have no shame in the fact that I am insecure about things. Somethings I don't know or don't understand - that is when I ask - or pine - I pine things over in my head a lot. Mostly when I'm at work. I'll be workin' away and start thinking about something and suddenly....yep, I'm pining.

That'll be my answer next time my boss says I look bored - I'll say "I'm just pinin'..." That should be an interesting conversation. I'll make her pine over my pining!

Anyway, today I returned to work after being out a week from my dental surgery. I have no shame in now admitting openly that I have a false upper plate.

My decision wasn't based on vanity, no.

It was based on the fact that inherited gum diease had cracked the bones within my gums and I would have, within 10 years, lost all my teeth plus have to deal with the heart diease, diabetes that comes along with it. And, also, may have never be able to give birth because the periodontitis diease limits the growth of the fetus in the womb.

I did this purely for health reason. My future was on the line.

That being said, I can also admit that returning to work was nerve-wrecking for me. I was insecure. I know my teeth look great, but I feel crowded in my mouth (which will go away, I'm told) and I have a slight lisp. This makes me FEEL like I look weird.

Today, I emailed Rebecca and this was the conversation:

Me: Do my teeth buck out like Mr Ed's?
Her: uhhh that would be a no!
me: You sure? You'd tell me right?
her: I wouldn't have told you they look good when I first saw you.
me: Okay, I've noticed my top lip doesn't come all the way down yet. maybe it will in time. I don't want PROMINATE teeth, ya know?
her: They don't look promiate. They look very similar to your old teeth but prettier of course.
me: Thank you. Sometimes you just need to hear your not a freak. LOL
her: Your not a freak!!!

I've been on an MSN messageboard since surgery, there is one girl who had her teeth removed at 23. Some of these people have been through so much, life-long battles - like me. I know I'm not alone.

Many of you will probably ask me, why would I let people know? because, my teeth really do look natural - here's why...

While I'm insecure, right now - I'm not ashamed. I have a future without diease and constantaly feeling ill. I will be able to eat and smile and laugh and not have broken and painful mouth anymore. I took control of my life. I live my life for no one else but me.

...and I feel that, it should be that way for everyone.

No pain, no gain.

So, I had 13 teeth pulled yesterday. They attempted to gas me but I freaked out. I think it was the noise. Not sure. So, I was alert & awake through all of it. I had Dr Crow and three assistants. Dr Crow was on my right; the nurse on left and two girls who held my hands and watched. Rubbing my hands and supporting me. They had never seen extractions and I didn’t mind because they were being supportive.

We had CMT on and they discussed the music to keep me distracted. My K-9 tooth on the right side, in mid-conversation Dr Crow said "Look at that a (big long word)" they all looked in amazement. He said "you have a very unique tooth there; only one in 300 people have it." He explained later that "most k-9’s only have one root, yours had three." Huh. Pretty cool.

My smile is amazing now. I love it. The first couple of hours I freaked out because I couldn’t stop the blood (I know, that’s gross, sorry) I went back over to Dr Crow who explained that with so many teeth - it’s not surprising that it would bleed for awhile. It did keep up until 8pm.

I went back this morning and he removed it, checked out my gums - while my gums are swollen, my face isn’t. I only have one sore spot toward the front. He said I was doing "amazingly well". I have ate oatmeal & pudding so far, I’m just not interested in food.

I am all good and will be posting a pic soon. I’m still really tired & weak. But, DAMN I love my smile. :-)

The hard part is over. And I’m out of pain now. :-)

Bones, and loss there of...

So, I am only making this post available to those of you who are closest. The reason why? Well, I don't know. Maybe because I know that this decision will not be supported by some. But, you have to be in my shoes to see the complete good in this. I also need the most support I can get with this.

When I was a child, my baby teeth came in rotten. I would have to go to Dr McKee's office once a month and she would have to pull the loose ones. She, of course, let me keep them so the tooth fairy would come. But, never-the-less, my teeth never fell out on their own. Dr McKee told us then that it was an inherited gum disease. My mom, as most of you know, doesn't have the best teeth. My father, as I am told, had false teeth at 25. The fam - not the best in the dental department.

Throughout my entire adolescence and through adulthood I have had issues with my gums. From broken teeth to cavities to root canals, I feel as though this battle of pain has been neverending.

Back in '02, I had 6 teeth removed, 4 of which were my wisdom teeth. Since then, I have had 4 removed at different times. The most recent of which was last spring.

I have spent thousands upon thousands of dollars to repair my teeth. Although I brush twice a day; floss after meals and have done everything to keep them in tact, the gingivitis has never went away. In fact, it has deepened into periodontitis.

While my smile has remained the same, the bones holding my teeth have started to crack.

I met with my dentist last week and we had a serious discussion about my options. She said "Okay, speaking long-term, I think the best idea for your health, financially, and overall - I think we should give you an upper denture." I wasn't surprised, honestly. I knew it was coming. I just didn't know it was coming at 28.

She said "I could try to save them, looking at these x-rays, I can estimate about twenty-thousand dollars worth of work out of pocket and it would not cure periodontitis, it would only slow it down." I said "No, let's just....let's just dentures, yea."

Right now, I am not scared. Okay, I'm a bit scared. Pulling 14 teeth? Yeah, scary. But, I do know this is for the best.

I go in March 6th (maybe sooner) for my dental impressions. They will be measuring my bone structure and the way my teeth lay. After I get my temporary in, they will pull my teeth - put my temp in immediately. My peridontitis will heal and I will have 3-4 days out of work. 6 months later, I will have my permanent denture - which I get to pick the teeth out for.

Right now, I have two abscessed teeth and more broken ones than I count. This will probably help with any problems I have with food getting stuck with my lap-band, since I cannot chew that well now.

And my smile, will be the bestest & brightest ever.