6 months.

6 months.
Current mood: sad

Today it has been six months since my Granny died.

I miss my Gran. I miss everything about her. From her laugh to her touch. I miss her conversations always starting with "Well..." and how she would comment on the people interviewed on the news having big noses. I miss the way she loved ice cream. The way she smelled so warm; when she hugged me I would inhale her so deep. How she'd laugh so hard at stories about her great-grandbabies. The cracker jacks at Christmas. Her flowers. Her baby-dolls. The birthday celebrations. The smile - so happy & full of life.

I remember the one thing I always wanted was a Marilyn Monroe barbie. Either I could never afford one or couldn't find one. She bought me my first Marilyn barbie for my 20th birthday at the flea market. When I got it, I cried - running my hand across the package and saying "She's so beautiful....she's so beautiful.." and Granny started crying too. She saw how much it meant to me. How much SHE meant to me.

Toward the end of her life, she would trust me to get sleep out of her eye, to look at moles for her, to rub her back, to get boogers for her. I didn't care. You might think I would care. But, I didn't. I wanted to take care of her. I wanted her to be with me forever.

But I knew she couldn't be. I knew I'd have to let go sometime. It's going to take me a long time. She was my best friend. Her birthday is coming up. That is going to be a hard day. Actually, everyday has been a hard day.

I have been through 6 months of hell. From having someone I've known for 12 years use me to problems at my job to my wallet getting stolen to my mom moving out to getting my income tax check deposit information getting screwed to my continuous headaches. Somedays it takes a lot for me to get even out of bed.

But I am dealing the best way I know how. Trying to stay strong when all you want to do is break is hard.

I want to thank everyone who is reading this for your constant support. It's a battle. But it's a battle worth winning.