Fat.

Fat.

I have always hated that word. While, yes, I have been guilty of calling myself that before – it's probably the worse word in vocabulary. Fat, in my head, means lazy – unwashed – sloppy – an insult.

We joke at work about having 'fat-girl' syndrome – which is a love to eat.

Everyone I know loves to eat.

I know people who have 'fat-girl' syndrome and never gain a pound. I call those people "asses".

Nothing wrong with a love for food, though. As long as it doesn't become a problem...

Binge eating was one of my many forms of self-abuse during my depression. It was never bad enough to fall into Bulimia. No doubt it could have, but a disapproving look from my doctor while viewing my recent weight history turned things around.

This is not something I am proud of. While binging may have contributed to some of the rapid weight gain within the past ten years, I place blame nowhere but on myself and lack of control. Not only with food, but with life.

As hard as it is sometimes, I am doing something about my health. But, that is a different story.

I think everyone has issues with self-image. I don't think I am the only one who has spent time looking in the mirror and cussing. Either you like the way you look or you don't.

Nothing wrong with liking your physical appearance, as long as it doesn't become like the dude in 'American Psycho' who he flexed his muscles in the mirror while having sex with a girl doggy-style.

One of the things I don't like about being bigger is the fact that some guys have such a low-self image – and although, they like me, they refused to take a chance. "What will people think?" it really is their loss. I maybe be a little insane, but I am a good girlfriend.

As I get smaller, I noticed more eyes…more attention…and I wonder, 'hmmm…would he look at me if I HADN'T lost 100 pounds?' some of them, probably not. The attention is nice though.

I am not nor have I ever been 'big-boned'.

I am not 'fat'. No one I know is fat.

I am me. And you should be you. Afterall, it's the most difficult thing to do.