Response to my bulletin.

Today I was talking to a good friend of mine. We are 'strong ones', meaning we basically take more on than we should to try to make life better for everyone else around us. "I carry so much weight on my shoulders, sometimes I wonder..what if I stumble?" I said to her.

Tonight I came home to absolute stress. I know my mom does not realize how much she bitches at me. And I also know that I am usually not the person she is angry at. But, it has either -

A. gotten worse since she moved back or
B. become more noticable since then.

When I call her out on it, she calms down for about a day, then it's back with a vengence.

If it's not something in our shit-hole ghetto apartment that is going wrong (our air, the toilet), then it's a bill that I have failed to pay (the phone) if it's not that, it's about something I have failed to do fast enough (garbage run).

Tonight, we were on the phone for an hour & a half with our cell phone company. Did you know that no one at Sprint either knows what they are doing and/or speaks english? Yea, me either. I use all the professional "phone training" big words I could find in my headachy mind to show them what shitty customer service they have, and I was still hung up on twice.

During this time, I was attempting to eat pizza, for the second time in two days. Yes, unhealthy, I know. But, as Marianne said "I just could careless right now." My gurgle was back. After being free from it for about 32 hours. I was upset, I was tense, and I felt like I was once again going to be thrown into the chaos which is throwing up every meal.

So, my day: dr's office called on my way there to cancel my appointment, wasted vacation time, stressful day at work, on hold with Sprint, attempting to eat, feeling sick, and having my mom bitching into my other ear when I have barely been off of work for 30 minutes was a bit much for me.

Sometimes, I am too nice to people who don't deserve it. Not speaking of my mom. But, just in general. People take advantage that I am always going to be there to lean on. And, yet, for some reason, I am STILL nice to the people who treat me badly. I don't get that. People who I think are my friend - only for them to prove otherwise - and yet, I still try to make it better. Why do I do that?

I think it's time for me to just stop. It's getting me nowhere.

I went through and did a friends list cut. Everyone on my friends list is either a friend that I want to keep in touch with, a family member, a friend's band, or actors that I know are real.

Don't be surprised if you don't hear from me in awhile. I love you guys. But I think I need a small break. My head is clogged.