Band of 180.

In December of 2005, I stepped on a scale and saw three numbers blink at me.

My doctor sighed looking at me, my blood pressure was shooting through the roof, 200/300 - 213/200...she was concerned. I was concerned.

She said "So, where do you see yourself in 10 years?" I always hated that question, ever since I was a child. I'm not good at long-term goals. I know I want to be a good person, the kind of person I'd want to be friends with - besides that? I'm good.

But her question startled me as I saw the three numbers written in red and underlined at the top of my chart.In that moment, my mind raced and I said "If I keep gaining weight, I probably won't be around in 10 years."

It was the most honest I had been about my size in years. Probably ever.

Most of people reading this have known me for a very long time. I have never been 'uncomfortable' in my body. I can handle my own. And snarky comments? Psh. You suck too.

But, two years ago, I knew I had to get control before I lost it all. Last chance. "You either fix yourself, or you die."

When you tell yourself this, with your bp sky-rocketing and having panic attacks left and right - your body will listen.

It was hard. I fell a lot. I whined. I cried. I kicked. I screamed. I gained. I lost. When it came down to it, in 2006, I got control.

But, it wasn't enough. I needed help. And after debating for the entire year, I decided that lap-band was my best bet.

Six months ago yesterday, I had a life-changing (and saving) surgery.

Since surgery, I have lost 42 pounds.

Since January of '05, the total is at around 95-102 (scales are all different and I despise them).

Anyone that says weight-loss surgery is the easy way out...obviously hasn't had it. Nothing about being banded is what I would call 'easy'.

You miss food. You miss eating. You miss bread. You get sick. You sometimes have to be 'patted' on the back for food to make up it's mind (come up or go down).

But then you have the good side...Since '05, I have went from a 30/32 shirt & 38/40 pants. To a 18/20 shirt & 26/28 pants. I feel better. My bp is under control. I can walk up stairs without my heart beating in my head. I have more energy.

While I am proud, I am not bragging by all means. I still have 100 more pounds to go. (And my THIGHS won't leeeeeave.) but I have no shame in where I was and how far I have come. Six months down, a lifetime to go...