Wands & needs.

I occassionally find myself getting jealous of people with material things. I guess it's human nature. Last night, I saw that my cousin had received a third computer for christmas. I had a stinging like in kindergarten when that one little boy with a cowlick had the toy I wanted.

I got into a long discussion with my mom about needs and wants.

I need a new computer.

When income tax comes in, it'll be catching up my bills and if I have enough left over, I need to get a computer. This one is seven. The motor is starting to get louder and the memory is so low, I have to shut down things to open new ones.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I lived a life where I got things I wanted. Like a new camera or a DVD burner or a trip to Europe.

Sure, I get things now and then - but the rarity of this I can count on one hand.

Recently, I have pawned some of the items I wanted in order to pay for things I need.

I am not complaining. I support myself and my mom. I pay for everything (but cable & water). Sometimes I just wish I didn't have to stuggle so hard. Guess it's being an adult. I got hair-dye and a pizza with my check this week. But I also have a place to live (no matter how shitty the dump) for another month.

I guess the Stones said it best, you can't always get what you want - but sometimes you get what you need.

....just wish that little girl inside me could realize that.